344. Pre-trip musings.

A week before I’m due to fly off, my plans took a couple of drastic detours and decided to resettle themselves. I used to get terribly frazzled and upset when things don’t go my way, but then I’ve had life throw a couple of curveballs and someone shared with me, “Watch your reaction to adversities. Watch what you say. You may not believe it immediately but always give thanks for whatever happens, and then figure out what to do next.” So I’ve learnt.

When things get difficult, you give thanks and then you learn to dance with the shadows, sit down over tea with your demons, make peace with the voices. You slow down with every breath and find ways to handle things with as much grace as possible, instead of complaining about how they’re wrong, or how they make you feel bad.

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And then, someone asked me if I was worried.

If I was worried about my new travel plans. If I was worried about never falling in love again. If I was worried about what I’d do with the rest of my life. I said what I knew best: “Allah ada. Allah jaga.” (There’s Allah. Allah will guide and protect.)

Of course I get worried in the moments when things change or look bleak, or when my anxiety attacks come uninvited. But I am learning to take time, to not let them define my response, and to recognise and embrace the signs of His mercy and love around me.

As I was looking through the next steps for my travel planning, I began to realise how the changes have created ease and injected more meaning into my journey. But yes, I was upset when they first changed, I know that feeling is fine, but I also knew I had to keep faith that better things are in line.

Time and time again, I share that this doesn’t happen overnight. I’ve had my fair share of (mis)adventures through the years that have shaped me to who I am. Most defining is when for years, I chose to stay in toxic relationships because I knew no other way, and had no faith in both His love and myself. When I chose to walk away with eyes wide open from a particularly toxic relationship, I was dead worried, but I knew I had to take the leap of faith. I knew I was worth more. I then hit rock bottom many times.

It took plenty of failures, detours and setbacks, but I’ve never been better. Many of us fail to realise that things like patience, kindness, and humility are all works in progress. They aren’t something we can magically pluck out of thin air; they are what we train ourselves to do. They require practice, effort and consistency. We make ourselves do it. We need to nurture it.

Which is why challenges, detours and curveballs are always blessings in disguise. It is the perfect training ground. Have faith that whenever something happens that throws us off our original plan, He is teaching us. So let us not beat ourselves up when we falter. It is okay to feel worried, overwhelmed or upset. It is a perfectly valid feeling. The tragedy is when we refuse to move. What we need to remember is to not unpack and live in the rut.

When things took a life of their own, I took the day to process things and ride the wave. We plan but verily there is a Master Planner who decides what is best, and I’m still learning to trust that whatever comes my way is meant to take me to greater heights, even if they first take me to the lowest depths.

Realise that the best way to handle our current situation is to work with what we have right now and to be kind to ourselves. You are your strongest supporter – deal with yourself in the kindest and best manner possible. I hope we all learn to take changes with grace. ❤️

I’m going on for my next big solo trip tomorrow, and I have faith in whatever He has in store for me. And for if I’m worried if I’m never going to fall in love again? I ocassionally do, but I know He has greater plans for me. I’ll just keep busy on becoming the best version of me. ❤

Lots of love,

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