As the year comes to a close, I’m most certain than ever that I’m still a work-in-progress. As much as I embrace my strengths, I am learning to acknowledge my weaknesses.
I am too much, of everything. I’m a storm of emotions, of love, of passion, of despair. I’m learning to hold back, recenter and find my calm. Ah, I have puked my guts out in anticipation. I have buckled up in anxiety. I have lashed out when overwhelmed. But I too have laughed until my sides hurt. I have looked into eyes filled with love and shaded by grace. I have felt the wind embrace my soul as I let go and opened up to its song. I have made a difference in people’s lives.
I have experienced the highest of highs and lowest of lows, and I’m learning to be okay with that being how it is. Just as I’m able to dance with life’s joys, I struggle to sit quietly with pain and accept its presence. It’s not easy; it’s uncomfortable, it’s distressing, and I still feel ever so often like I’ve been placed into a pit with no recourse, and all I can do is cry.
I struggle every single day – to choose to be better, to choose to live, to choose to trust again, but despite it all, I know I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have grown so much, and come so far.
We are all just broken souls, striving and longing for wholeness, needing grace every moment of every day. My life isn’t perfect. On my bad days, I refuse to get out of bed, I cry, I throw things, I don’t speak to my loved ones, I get angry at myself, I tell myself I am not worthy.
I want to own my life as I walk through it, seeking progress not perfection, and living in grace and by grace and through grace. I want to thank the people whom have chosen to be by me as well, both through the good days and not so good days. I hope we all strive to be kind to each other, for we really, truly, do not know if our acts of kindness, no matter how small, may have just saved another life, or gave someone the hope to try again.
Tell the people you love that you love them. They need to know.
I hope we’ll all end 2015 well, and may 2016 be filled with love, grace & joy. God is kind, and He will always be kind. Let us remember that.
Thank you for the lessons and memories, 2015.