319. I apologise.


I have puked my guts out in anticipation. I have trembled in despair. I have buckled up in anxiety. I have hidden in shadows when overwhelmed.

I have laughed until my sides hurt. I have carried an angel in my arms, untouched yet by life’s flavours. I have looked into eyes filled with love and shaded by grace. I have felt the wind embrace my soul as I let go and opened up to its song.

I have experienced the highest of highs and lowest of lows, and that’s just how it is. Just as I’m able to dance with life’s joys, I sit quietly with pain and accept its presence. It’s not easy; it’s uncomfortable, it’s distressing, and I still feel ever so often like I’ve been placed into a pit with no recourse, and all I can do is sit with my knees up and cry.

If I had made this healing journey seem easy, I apologise, for that’s setting up unrealistic expectations. It’s not, and it was never meant to be. I struggle every single day – to choose to be better, to choose to live, to choose to trust again, but despite it all, I know I wouldn’t have it any other way.

How can we even begin to appreciate the good, if we can’t embrace the bad? For whoever who may be struggling, I pray He grant you grace to accept all His blessings, and to keep choosing to rise above your circumstances. You’re going to be alright.



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