258. In the end, we’ll all become stories.

“I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being.”

A couple of days ago was my bestfriend’s birthday. She is an incredible woman of character and strength.

Now that life is hectic for us, we don’t meet often. Months will pass by without a word but – y’know how it works – it doesn’t matter. When we do meet, it’s like no time has come between us – we’re still the kindred spirits that we are. Birthdays are always good reason to meet. Meetups mean straightotheheart conversations.

“You have walls as high as you can possibly build them. Whoever is let in must be pretty special.”

I’d like to believe that I’m free with my love, my faith and my joy, but somehow, I still keep myself guarded. Most of us do. It’s an oxymoron, I know. But tell me, isn’t it true how we’ve been through enough in the short time to know that not everyone has our best interests at heart nor do they care really about our feelings. Sometimes it’s intentional, sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes some people find a way to crawl in unnoticed, then either build us up from within, or create havoc and leave.

You think too much. You feel too much. Your fire burns too strongly. Only the brave can come close. 

If there’s anything I’ve learnt in this journey, it’s that people will hurt me, and it is in no way a reflection of myself. How someone treats me, kindly or otherwise, is a reflection of their own souls, and I need to learn to, well, not take things personally.

Don’t take things personally.

The onus is on me, on us, to keep being the giver – the giver of love, of good vibes and of strength.

Not easy, I’ll give that to you.

As I sat with the women who have been with me to hell and back, who have seen each other’s growth from lost souls to not-as-lost-we’re-getting-there souls, I give a prayer of thanks for the sanity and wisdom to have kept them close.

You’ve come a long way from your darkest days – we all have – you’ve got to give yourself credit for that.

We’re pretty much works-in-progress, getting uncomfortable and growing outside of our comfort zones, and I think that’s a good place to be in right now.

There are good days, and then there are bad days. Life doesn’t get easier, we just get stronger.

The past two weeks have been challenging mentally, emotionally, spiritually and academically. It’s funny how things have the propensity to come one after another. There’s been a constant need to remind myself that I am exactly where I need to be, and that things are happening as they should. There’s been a deep-seated desire to retreat into a corner and just, be. Recharge, reflect and reevaluate.

At the end of the day, we’ll all become stories. How do you want your story to be – one of hope, of faith, and of love?

Bestie sent me this video to watch, and I thought it was just so apt, in more ways than I needed it to be.

Keep pushing yourself to grow. You have learnt to be happy with yourself – that has been a long and tenuous journey – have faith that the people who are meant to be in your life will find a way to you.

I hope you’ll enjoy the video as much as I did, and find many of your own lessons too. (:

You are a person with lots of love to give, no one can take that away from you.

I just needed to write this.

I might just disappear for a while. I’ll be back soon.

Lots of love,

Atikah

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