“I closed my eyes and listened carefully for the descendants of Sputnik, even now circling the earth, gravity their only tie to the planet. Lonely metal souls in the unimpeded darkness of space, they meet, pass each other, and part, never to meet again. No words passing between them. No promises to keep.” – Sputnik Sweetheart, Haruki Murakami
For some reason, I felt compelled to re-read Murakami’s Sputnik Sweetheart last weekend. Murakami has a certain kind of magic, one that takes you out of your shell every once in a while, twist your guts out, leaves you feeling empty for a while, then places you back in your shell, expecting you to some what try to find your sense of equilibirium again.
I reached for the book after being involved in my close girlfriend’s wedding last weekend as a bridesmaid. There is a tenuous relationship between the event and the book, at the very least, but oh, my mind and heart work in crazy ways.
I was going through the motions for a while, before it hit me.
It’s been a year since this, since the day my could-have-been ended.
The wedding had helped me buy some time before I needed to sit down and finally process the myriad of feelings and thoughts in my head, and I was thankful for that grace time.
I sat down to read past posts, to track my progress, the highs and the lows, the rise and the stumbles.
I remembered the trip to the Aira Force waterfalls and its sheer beauty, not to mention its timeliness.
Y’know, to this day, I can never fully comprehend His plans. All I can do is keep the faith that everything will happen in its time and place.
I realised that there are bigger things than drowning in the misery of being betrayed. I learnt that just because I trusted someone with all my optimistic being does not make me weak. I accepted that I am tested because He loves me. I embraced the fact that what was happening was the answer to my prayers. (18 April 2013)
I’m in a good place in life right now, exactly where I’m meant to be.
Life has thrown me quite a few curveballs and I really am excited to throw a few back. It’s been a year of growth, acceptance, forgiveness and love.
I’m poised and constantly being groomed for future opportunities – that’s perhaps one of the greatest blessings I can ask for.
The challenge now is to keep doing what I want to do, while at the same time ensuring the things I have to do are done well too.
“Remember your amanah. Fulfil those first, then everything else will fall into place when you pursue them, inshaAllah.”
It’s been a really good year. I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.
Have faith, dear heart. What will be, will be.
Prayers all around for everyone.
Lots of love,