7. Letting go.

“Letting go. It is difficult for us in so many ways and on so many levels. Yet life calls upon us to do it, over and over again. Letting go is part of our growth process. We cannot move on to the new while continuing to cling to the old. ”
an excerpt from Leslie Lobell’s “The Letting Go”

So many endings to face; there’s a constant need to remind myself to consciously let things go.

This is turning out to be one of those nights when I keep telling myself to forget about the what-ifs and the could-have-beens. Life isn’t about dwelling on the past, it’s about soaking in the present and keeping hope for the future.

Maybe it’s good to have some piece of you left behind. It’s like a dent or scratch on the wood that will not go away in a long time, a sort of momento of your presence that once have been.

I did a collage for the office, sort of a parting gift to the boss for the 2 years that I was there. I don’t see myself working in the office any longer, perhaps maybe as an ad-hoc facilitator or team leader in the new future, but not quite for the admin side anymore. It’s a bittersweet feeling, moving on from this job that has been so much a reason for my growth as a person and a leader for the past 2 years. Doing the collage was as much a gift as it was a therapeutic platform for me to reminisce about the 2 years and the many things that have happened. The friendships made, the lives impacted through camps and the growth that I’ve gone through. A lot have happened in the 2 years, I can’t help but smile at His ways in guiding me through life.

And today, today I bumped into a piece of my history. Something, or rather someone, that I have learnt to never regret, for I’ve learnt much from that episode. I’ve learnt to love wholeheartedly, I’ve learnt the importance of letting go and letting your partner have his space to grow. Perhaps this piece of history was God’s way of moulding me into the partner that I am today, and of learning the essence of love. Perhaps. All I can do is to guess what was God’s intention for me to have gone through those high and low moments.

It’ll be a blatant lie if I were to say that it no longer hurts. It hurts still, though maybe it’s now more of a stinging pain, rather than  a sharp dagger piercing through my soul. And it’s no longer a lingering, perpetual sense of being, it’s something that comes and goes with the coming of physical pieces of reminders, something that is somewhat unavoidable, I guess.

And I should remember that I am blessed to be with someone who loves me very much. Never forget that.

Ah well, I digress.

So yes, tonight is one of those nights when memories come rushing in and I have to consciously guide myself to be realistic and reasonable.

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